Okay, here we go, it’s movie ranking time! I’ve seen some takes online talking about how this wasn’t a great year for film, or that “it was fine, but it doesn’t compare to (insert any arbitrary year here).” And to that I say, “Touch grass.” It’s a lazy comment. Either your standards and expectations are impossibly and unreasonably high, or you must have only seen like 6 movies. There are always plenty great movies to be found every single year. And sure, there’s a bunch of trash out there too, but it only makes the great movies that much more rewarding when you find them.
That being said, the bottom was really rough this year. Aside from some small moments of kind of fun garbage, there’s really nothing redeemable about anything here. So let’s get these out of the way.
After this initial bottom 13, I’ll have one set of 20 movies each day for the next 8 days, before finishing with the top 10. Is it maybe a little self-indulgent to drag this out over 10 days? You bet. Do I care? Definitely not.
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE was a huge misfire. Gory for gore’s sake, introduces several timely social issues but then does nothing with them, irritating Gen Z characters. A couple cool kills save it from being even worse. Gonna be honest, I don’t remember a lot about PRIVATE PROPERTY, BRAZEN, or NIGHTSHADE. I just know they sucked. THEY/THEM at least had a creative title, and Kevin Bacon was…fine, I suppose? THE BUBBLE was insufferable. \
HOME TEAM (review) very selectively adapted Sean Payton’s post-Bountygate life. FIRESTARTER was just laughably bad (“Liar, liar, pants on fire” is maybe the single worst line from any movie. At least UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN made for a good How Did This Get Made? episode. With 365 DAYS: THIS DAY, that series continues to be surprisingly enjoyable trash.
Copy and paste what I said for 365 Days: This Day for THE NEXT 365 DAYS. Oh my goodness, the After series has to stop. They started off horrible, and have only gotten worse. And top of it all, AFTER EVER HAPPY is just a beyond stupid title. Everything about THE MUNSTERS was awful. Legitimately looked like a high school production. Only a point behind After Ever Happy, but still clearly the worst movie of 2022.
Six of these 13 movies were Netflix movies…yikes.
And there we have it. We got the bottom of the barrel out of the way. It will only get better from here!
